दया ! Aka Compassion

I am writing this blog post based on an experience I encountered this thursday. This week had been pretty rough and hectic and I started to a class at Stanford after work with unusually less amounts of enthusiasm. There was an assignment due that day as well that I was supposed to turn in as a hard copy. I managed to quickly cram up and do the assignment and send it as an email attachment instead adding an apologetic explanation on how the printer at work gave off on me unexpectedly.

This post is mainly about the course instructor and to give some background on her I would describe her as a pretty fair lady in her early forties. Their was an unusual calm and quietude around her and I liked her style of teaching right from class one. Later I came to know that she had acquired this calm aura by meditating for an hour each twice a day over a period of one year. Unfortunately this class had been canceled for the last two weeks as her dad had passed away and she had to be with her family in Colorado. I had been preoccupied with thoughts and events happening in my life and had quite forgotten about this incident of hers while heading to class. I entered the classroom which was dimly lit than usual(which I thought created a soothing atmosphere) and all the students were sitting in a circle around her. I couldn't help but observe a certain inner strength she was displaying despite her loss and admired the way she was putting up a brave front and attempting to teach the class.

Must say, this particular class was very different from any I had attended as a student in my life.  She would discuss some course material but for brief moments helplessly go back in time and narrate what she remembered about her dad or what had happened the last 2 weeks in her life and feel guilty about digressing the class at the same time. It was evident that this was the first loss of a parent she was having to deal with. I was observing passively for the most part of the class as I saw other students trying to give her suggestions on what books or materials she could read to help cope better. It was a 2 hour class and the class went on like this with her attempts to forget talking about the loss and stick to the course content. With an urge to try to make her feel better, at around 8 o clock I managed to interrupt and come up with this suggestion to the class. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing but I thought it was worth a shot.  I asked her (if she was comfortable with) to just talk about her emotions and feelings instead of trying to stick to the agenda of the class. Empathy was one of the topics that was discussed as part of this course and I added that this would in-fact be a good practical session for all of us with regard to learning on how to empathize with one another. The entire class and she in fact was taken aback a bit by this suggestion of the mine( the youngest student in the class). She thought for a moment and replied after a pause "in fact that would be a great idea".

She admitted that she was feeling very vulnerable and bit awkward by so much attention from all of us who were strangers to her but I could see she was gradually opening up and was becoming more comfortable. I was glad to see that after 20 minutes or so she was able to focus and conduct the class with some cheer. Towards the end of the class she opened up and told us that she had lost her teaching job as well which made me realize that it was more than one loss that she was having to cope up with at present.

After the class a couple of students stayed back and I was glad I was one of those. She was narrating to us how she was trying to put together a website and resume and how she was attempting to look for work. She also narrated how people around her had been kind and sympathetic towards her offering her food, kind words, neighbors placing flowers at her door step etc these last few days. She further opened up and told us about her 80 year old mom dealing with a terminal illness whom she admitted in a nursery after her father's demise. I was standing next to her all along listening silently. I could sense her inner grief though I knew I could not fully understand what she was going through at that moment. Some students offered her constructive suggestions on how she could improve her job search via linked in etc. One of the students asked if she had doubts continuing her life. I felt terribly bad that she was asked such a question.

All I could manage to do was in the end reach out to her and while holding her hand for a couple of minutes muster these words softly looking into her moist eyes " I know this is not easy, but time will heal and the good times you had with your dad will always be alive in your memory and I know you are aware of the dreams and hopes your father had for you to live up to" .

I am not sure if my words made her feel better, but for some unexplainable reason, I could feel more peace and calm within myself. Suddenly all the problems I thought I had in my life seemed to become minuscule. This incident also makes me look forward to the quality real time I can have with my dad when I visit him this time to an even more greater extent :).

It is surprising and fascinating to see how by attempting to help others we in fact really help ourselves indirectly. These below sentences I read elsewhere come to my mind now.  

"It's liberating to realize that our problems are in fact our richest sources for rising to this ultimate virtue of compassion. Indeed some of the very wounding experiences in our lives prompts us to bringing compassion towards the sufferings and joys of others" .

Though I was sorry all this has happened to the course instructor, I was glad in a way that I was there at class that day and was able to listen to her as it made me resonate on the truth of this quote from Dalai Lama  


If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. 
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.